Black and White Blues

Hello, best friend, it’s been a while
since I have seen that stupid smile.
Your teeth are stained, your breath is rank.
Please, won’t you close that smelly tank?

Have you put on a few more pounds?
I know how awful this must sound,
but honey, you can’t wear those jeans;
If you bend down, you’ll rip the seams.

Your hair looks kind of strange today,
in an “I’m trying to look ugly” way.
You should have taken one look more
before you walked out your front door.

So guess what Jenny did with Dean?
That’s more action than you’ve seen.
Oh, now you have something to say?
Well, tell it to me another day;

No matter what, it can’t be great
it’s not like you had a hot date
or ever think important thoughts.
I think it’s best if I just talk.

Hey, where did you go buy those shoes?
Oh, that place is yesterday’s news.
The fashions there are so uncool.
I can’t believe you wore those to school!

Oh, there’s my boyfriend walking past,
and don’t you have to go to class?
Don’t mope; you’re ugly when you sigh.
I’ll see you later, best friend! Bye!